hmmmm, i'm in a contemplative mood today, thinking abt bgr again. haha~~, as usual, 'cause this is probably a matter close to my heart till the day i get married. :)

and i'm just trying to 'interview' closer friends, who are currently in a relationship or have been in a relationship before, and try to weigh the pros and cons of getting into 1 myself. and it's always interesting to note what they say and see things from their point of view.

sometimes when i try to look at myself and understand my own psychology, on why i am so cautious into moving into this area, it intrigues me very much. how what i think and what i do is a consequence of what has happened and what i have experienced.

maybe it's 'cause i've too high ideals? is tt possible? and should i compromise at all? or maybe it's just as simple as a classical instance of 'once bitten twice shy'?

i once told myself tt thr first gf i would have i would marry her. cause for me, once is enough. and for every relationship tt we come out of, it definetely hurts, 'cause there'll be many happy but painful memories to look at. perhaps i'm not one to give away my heart too easily. but these thoughts are really just a nicer way to look at myself. maybe beneath this cloud of self-delusion, i'm just afraid. and very selfish.

feeling a little schizo now.

i'm rather confused. will just ask ard a little more before i finally decide what i think.