When not to Fart.

1. In a crowded elevator
2. On a crowded bus
3. In a public library
4. While on a date
5. While giving a speech
6. In church
7. In a crowded classroom
8. In your office when you're alone - someone's bound to walk in
immediately afterwards
9. In a movie theater
10. In your cubicle at work - again someone's bound to walk in to visit
11. In a walk-in freezer - it'll linger a while
12. In an commercial airplane
13. In a ticket line
14. In your car before picking up a family member
15. during confession
16. In bed when you're feeling frisky
17. In a Cessna
18. While fighting fire in a burning building
19. In a patrol car for a minor violation


When to Fart

1. In your bosses office as you are turning to leave. Tip-Make sure
it's a silent one.
2. In a bathroom
3. In a cashier's line - it might help to speed up things
4. In an empty elevator before you get off
5. Next to an occupied changing room - it may quickly become
unoccupied.
6. In someone elses unoccupied cubicle at work
7. While parachuting
8. While scuba diving
9. In the back seat of a patrol car if you are arrested
10. During interrogation if you're the one being interrogated
11. In your car if you've been carjacked
12. In the changing room when you're sure someone else is waiting their
turn.
13. In your car once you've been pulled over. The cop may let you go
quicker.
14. During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors
15. While walking down a crowded hallway. Nobody will know who to
blame.