sian day... i should go sleep.

[STOP! don't go furthur if u're not hope ang if not u'll kena confused... haha. yar lar, don't need to read everything cause ignorance is bliss sometimes.]



i think i can get angry over nothing. yar, serious... or maybe it's really something, but just can't put my finger on it. haiz. or maybe just don't want to face the truth because it hurts. and of course, 1 thing i learnt from last year was, "running away may be the best thing to do in some situations. it is NOT cowardly..."

how i wish i could just run run run away.

i'm beginning to think anger is just one of the ways tt u express your confusion and it's just an outlet for all tt u don't know what to do about. something like crying. yeah. when u come to an end of yourself, exhausted all your means and ways. yup, i suppose tt's when God is supposed to come in. but there are times tt i don't 'feel' it. yet at other times when i do feel the comfort but i choose to shut it out and wallow in misery. well, wallowing is fun. it's almost addictive. it gives a sense of satisfaction and glee, makes u feel appreciated and heard. cause the best person to talk to, may jolly well be urself.

yeah, i think tt's the thing with wallowing. it provides so many things tt i'm looking for, but can't find it where i'm searching. but like quicksand, the more u struggle the faster u sink. the more u wallow the deeper u go.

haiz. i think i'm too demanding at times. and it is at these times when i come to this state of realisation tt i'm too demanding when i'm happiest. maybe i should stay like this, but then it can be tiring to stay aflot, rather than allowing urself to sink. what if i'm not too demanding at all and it's the other person who has the ball now?

peer approval is one thing very hard to shake off. i tried and found it's real hard to forgo this. i'm trying not to see and hear the mumblings and whisperings but it's hard. nvm, i'll learn.

thanks for listening to me and putting up with me. i really appreciate it. although listening to the unreasonable me can be hard at times... thanks for ur patience. i really wish it would not be so hard for u too, but something more enjoyable... aiyar and the reason why i can write this is cause u prob won't be reading it anyway. haha maybe it's just silly of me.

can't get enough. but don't blame me, blame those times.