unmix-ed

yesterday we had cg as usual, but this time was slightly different, cause peer asked me to share the msg instead. i think it was a privilage to, really and i gladly took up the offer. for god to use me as a vessel to preach is really an honour.

a couple of things were going through my mind then when peer called me on wed. hmmm how come he call me to share? maybe god told him tt i may have something to share with the rest particularly about this msg. or maybe he wants to ord liao then he looking for a jie(1) ban(1) ren(2) and want me to try out first. haha. yar, these were a couple of thoughts tt went through my head.

i think the former should be a good reason lar, but if what he was thinking was to get a jie(1) ban(1) ren(2), i just feel inadequate. after all, they are big shoes to fill. if anything i feel i need more time to grow and be filled. :) must be filled first before can pour out, like even the small jar of oil in the widow's house was filled before it filled the many great vessels.

yesterday's message was on wineskins. on old wineskins and new; how u must have a new wineskin mentality, if not whatever wine in you will burst and will be lost. yep. when i woke up this morning, i found that this message couldn't be more applicable to me than anyone else. haha yeah. although i was the person sharing the message it just seems so queer that this can't be anymore relevant to me.

this song came to me this morning,

i worship you, almighty god,
there is none like you...
i worship you, oh prince of peace,
that is what i want to do.

i give you praise,
for you are my righteousness
i worship you, almighty god,
there is none like you...

in recent times i have not been living a life of a new wineskin. i have not been filled and whatever's pouring in is just leaking out. as i was preparing for msg, i heard god telling me that i am compromising, using a patched up old wineskin which can never ever hold the new wine. what god wants is a new wineskin, not a patched up old wineskin. bits of new, bits of old. which will make the tear worse.

mixture in my life has cause alot of hurt. at prayer request yesterday i asked for my heart to be guarded. cause it was sometimes when i didn't guard my heart tt i slipped into short bursts of depressions and got really bad. otherwise, i was okay. i felt i needed to patch up my heart to prevent my emotions from leaking out. what devin prayed for me was really accurate and tackled the feelings on my mind/heart, really spot on, although i didn't tell him what was happening. haha, he so funny cause he asked me what exactly i wanted him to pray for me but i refused to tell him and asked him to just go "as the spirit leads". then peer also prayed for me too, usging me to look at the PILLAR of cloud and fire whenever i felt lost. i mean, it's a PILLAR leh. which is really relevant cause a pillar is just overwhelming. when i'm standing in front of the pillar, i am so small and the presence of the pillar is all tt matters.

i used to think tt time would heal all the xin(1) ling(2) chuang(4) shang(1). but i realised tt there's no way 100% repair could ever take place. a old wineskin can never contain all the joy, but a new one will, and i receive it now in jesus' name! and now tt i have a new wineskin let the joy start building up!

another mixture i see in my life is how i didn't live the life i was supposed to. i found tt it was easier to mix around and make friends when i compromised on god's standards. i mean, i still go to church, bs, cg mar, there's enough of the word liao. so it wouldn't hurt if i compromised a bit. things like kbing abt CAs, allowing fear to creep in etcetc. well, i think it was easier for pple to accept if u didn't come across so secure.

these things didn't keep me in the right mentality and allowed me to slip backwards, one time or the other. minor slips here and there to cause a whole backslide when they're added up altogether. but from today, i resolve to no longer live a life of mixture. it'll all be undiluted, uncompromised and to live a life of eating, talking and living god. i think tt's the way it is meant to be. i've had too much mixture liao and i've had enough of it. :) i'm real glad tt clinical groupings turned out the way they are. i'm really really happy.

praise god, it'll be a glorious road ahead.