the rest and the relaxing

it's funny how i seem to blog more when i'm busy and stressed, and don't seem to come here to post my feelings when i'm freer, eg. times like now. yeah, probably in the next 2 weeks don't forsee myself coming here often.

yesterday was a long deserved break. played like super alot of games of dota and really really enjoyed myself and haven't been so unstressed in such a long time. the cas really disrupted my way of living such tt i found i couldn't even remember what life was like before pros and ca3. haha i mean seriously. what was life like?? but anyway i'm glad it's all over liao and the boulder inside the heart put down liaoz.

stressed during the exam period? yes, very much. but probably not as much as some pple i see around me. i still remember the night before the microb paper when i couldn't do so many questions. both mcq and essay tt were posted up on the geocities site, and i just freaked out. started praying and praying in tongues when i was studying tt last round of microb. and really i felt so comforted. i even went to sleep at 12am and woke up at 7am! 7 full hours of sleep. heard tt some other pples slept for like 4hrs, 5hrs or 2 hrs. something liddat ones. i remember i did that too for ca3. slept for 2 hours before some paper. well, i thought the paper wasn't fantastic enough to justify sacrificing those few hours of sleep anyway.

yesterday it was raining heavily too. and i was made to wait in the rain for a whole hour after i travelled all the way 20 odd km. i had to deal with unanswered calls and unreturned sms, and was stuck in a 45 min traffic jam on the aye/cte because of the 1 hour wait tt made me hit spot on onto the peak hour jam. when i reached home i was cold, tired and hungry. yet i didn't mind cause i made someone smile. :)

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i just sent wendy an sms to tell her i won't be serving liao. i think i'm feeling a bit tired and need a break. also i think it'll be the end of my serving in the cg too. zy will be preparing communion and kim will be sending out mails from now on. i just feel tt i want to be left alone. i'm feeling tt sometimes it's a bit work like. not really a resting and relaxing. i find tt it's getting more frequent tt i'm asking the questions, "haiz. campus again??", or "bs again? should i go or not?". i don't want to have to deal with these questions time and time again. sometimes i go to campus just for the sake of serving. cause i have an obligation to serve and can't don't go just like tt w/o any valid reason mar.

so u see, serving has already become pointless for me. i don't feel the joy and passion i had when i first started serving. instead it has become this nagging thing at the back of my head. it's something out of obligation liao not out of an overflow. it's serving in the natural and not in the supernatural.

and i think such pointless serving should stop. maybe it's time for me to just sit quietly and graze and drink.