tired...

alright this will be a quick post since i'm damn tired today... just came back from a good chat with a & g, in fact we were sitting at wheelock just talking abt stuff. well, i'm sorry if this sentence is the only coherent sounding one in this entire post but these are just thoughts flying past tt are jotted down.

it still hurts leh. i don't think i can get over it so soon, don't think this sort of stuff will be ok so fast one lar. i need some time.

what's it tt keeps u going back to someone who u know will disappoint u and make u feel sad? i don't know, it's something tt's mysterious and unfathomable. i know, it's hope. hope tt things will change for the better, but at the same time unwittingly commiting urself into a + feedback cycle, making everything worse by making others more irritated with u and all the more not wanting to talk to u.

it's really sad. but i can't seem to help it most of the times.

on my way home just now, i was telling god tt i want to move on. i really want to move on. cause now it's' causing me too much hurt and pain. what's a thing of the past is already gone, but yet i'm still drawn to it and still holding tight, don't want to let go.

i'm still trying to get over stuff and straighten things out. with myself, not with anyone else. tt person has already told me no again and again. but yet i still willingly go back to get hurt.

when u like someone, u want to do everything for him/her. but the problem comes when because of changes things of the past are nto what they seem to be. previously happy times are now gone. always looking for your company becomes now has me looking for.

it's been a long day. i know something is happening in me i can feel it. something's happening to my thoughts and mentalities and beliefs. i think i'm becoming a little more pessismistic but let's wait and see. i do want to find out. hopefully i can retain my optimism and ideals. hopefull i won't be too cynical...

i think i should move on. i want to move on. break away from the sadness tt covers me now.maybe get more involved in other stuff. work's a way to get by.

the worse thing is tt i really can't talk to anyone abt it. don't feel slighted. i really can't.

gtg sleep now.

visited zq in hospital today. he's supposed to be quite sick. believe with him for his healing. waiting for his good news.

really thankful for a to have dinner with me today. i really needed the company if not i would have started to hu si luan siang again... just for someone to sit beside me and be there for me. sometimes even if nothing is said, presence is more than enough comfort for those tears in the heart.

dnd's tml. enjoy pple. have a great time. :)

i want to move on.

with tears.