i got my christmas present today

well i was talking to some pple and found tt i'm not the only who was feeling tt this christmas felt something different. somehow we didn't feel the spirit of christmas. there was no joy tangible in the air leh. and it just felt like 'another holiday'. not excited. not anticipating. but today when i was going home it just came right onto me.

it was after i bought the surprise present when i was walking to my bus stop and i just saw the pple at orchard giving out little programme booklets for CCIS outside paragon. an auntie outside paragon gave me one too, coupled with a "have a merry christmas" and flashed me a brilliant smile. wow. i was so touched by her spirit and my heart just melted. i felt prompted to go down to jason's marketplace to get drinks for them! :) bought some packs of green tea for them (pple who i didn't know) and wished them a blessed christmas before walking off.

haha, the auntie was quite shocked actually. but when she realised what was happening she gave me a warm smile too and accepted the gift. i think the $2.20 for those 6 packs of green tea was the best buy this year.

and at the realisation hit me fresh again -- tt christmas is all about giving. and remembering tt one gift tt hung on a tree for us all.

and i was just thinking of tt thought when i walked past a stage with a childrens' choir singing "the reason". they were so adorable as they were looking to a teacher standing in front doing the actions to the song for clues as to what action they should be doing. haha. but what struck me more were the lyrics of the song.

those were not foreign to me. i've probably sung the song a dozen times. but i just felt so loved by God. so filled, overflowing, and ready to bless. it was sort of God's answer to me asking these past weeks why this christmas i don't feel the joy at all admist all the celebrations. and honestly it just erased all my fears and depression all away. i'm SO SO glad.

when i was little, i would expect christmas presents from my parents, relatives everytime 25th dec came along. to me then, it was just another holiday. yay, don't need to go to school! haha. and my relatives would meet up at someone's place to play majong, all the way till 5/6am. and the little guys would sit around on the floor playing blackjack, stacking our coins in neat piles ever hoping they would grow taller. christmas was pretty lights and great food.

i never realised, a baby born one blessed night, gave me the greatest gift of my life. what more, i was the reason He was born. tt was all the meaning christmas had for me, until through pastor's sermons i was reintroduced to this loving God.

christmas is really a time of giving and a time of joy. and right now i just feel it all over me. haha. and tt gesture tt the auntie did, tt warm smile tt touched my heart just helped me find again tt lost meaning i lost over these past months.