i made an ex-friend today

i think friendships are very complex things. today i heard from a friend over supper about what X said about me. which wasn't very nice at all. considering what X said in front of me and other friends was completely different.

very bluntly, i think X's a hypocrite. and a very good one at tt too.

well actually the whole discussion topic got me rather upset, because it just brought up things tt were laid to rest just a couple of weeks ago. well i totally just lost it when i just reflected on what happened, etcetc.

and when i came home, boy was i in for another surprise. another friend, Y, just msned me and somehow the topic about X (who was a common friend) came up. well, i had confided in Y about the problems i was facing with X in the past so Y knew a bit about what had happened. well, suffice to say i got blasted by Y. saying things like "u're blinded" and "u're just stubborn" and "u just think u're right" and "yes of course, everyone can see U'RE the problem" and "u come up with your own hypotheses and be stubborn about them". really it doesn't help if u've not realised by now.

well, hardly any help i guess. but who's to blame Y. afterall Y didn't know what i had just heard 1/2hr ago. afterall Y didn't really know me and how i was feeling. perhaps if Y had known me better Y would have knew those wern't the best words or phrases to use.

well i blasted Y over msn. apologised after tt but i still maintain my views and think they're right. i was only apologising for blasting at Y because it was the wrong thing to do to blast a friend who was sincerely trying to help. i still think X's a total jerk. and X has great acting and should be nominated for star awards. call me stubborn. but i will say i draw my impression of X from more people than Y does. well Y, if u're reading this. i want to tell u tt ur opinions of X are just formulated from your own perception and how X has presented him/herself to u. have u asked around? asked pple outside your clique? bluntly put u're just seeing the sugar-coating X licked all over X's self.

and yes, it does NOT help to keep scolding me. and not explaining. those things tt were 'explained' were simply statement trying to shove ur opinions up my nose. not explainations. i'm not wrong. REALLY.

well u think when X offered his opinion to you X never thought about what would have happened already? whatever X said was inconsequential if u've not realised. cause X was not the person making the decision. and neither was i. it was Z. X knew that. whatever X said was just fei(4) hua(4). just to make X look good in front of u. X was not really trying to be on my side. think about it if X had taken either side? how would X had looked? standing on the left X would have looked like X was a total jerk who didn't care about my feelings; standing on the right X would have smacked Z in the face because of what Z wanted. and anyway what X wanted was what Z wanted too so there was no reason for X to slap himself too.

there've been so many times when i've tried to talk to X but X just ignored me. or maybe paused for 5 seconds before turning around and blabbering some stuff before turning away. w/o even eye contact. not the private stuff no one would like to talk about but just mundane stuff. stuff tt u'ld talk about or i'ld talk abt to any other friend. but the response is different. of course, not feeling comfortable? i think it's a great excuse. but rather just something to come and irritate me cause X knows how i'm feeling. i've tried so many times to tok to X to start a conversation and everything but X always stops it short with X's 2 word answers. X's not making any effort at all. and X just makes it very simple by telling all others except me tt it's not easy to talk to me. at the same time making me feel worse and look worse each time to everyone.

actually i've sort of given up on X before i even talked to Y just now. but the last thing i needed was a lecture on how wrong i was and how good X was. and how blind i was yada yada. but if X is someone who can talk behind my back and say unkind stuff about me but at the same time when in front of me shows me a different mask, i sure i don't want this sort of friend.

X's the cause of so many of my problems. don't say tt i'm only seeing one side of the coin when u won't show me the other side. what makes u so sure i'm the only one with tinted glasses? don't tell me stuff and expect me to swallow it all. i'm not the only one who's biased around here. cause u still have the impression of what happened between me and Z and u've formed your own opinions of me.

thanks for your concern. i really really appreciate where u were coming from.