now this is one entry that i find hard to put down. the 1st part at least.

was feeling depressed again when i turned on the radio just now. and 933 was playing their ying(1) yue(4) ri(4) ji(4). and it just got me started thinking on lots of stuff again. especially stuff tt yy was telling me a couple of days ago tt got me a little down. and the radio programme sort of amplified tt tiny bump on life's road. and made me feel much more miserable. for a while at least...

and i just think sometimes and it's really amazing. how although the signs say 'SHOO.' but if anything is just a hairbreadth short of a downright rejection S-P-E-L-L-E-D out so clearly i couldn't see anything else when it's in front of me, i just choose to believe the other. it's really so amazing. so amazing tt when i really take a step back and look at it, it's ridiculous.

and today i finally understand why pple choose to totally not talk to their ex. cause it's painful. hurts when all the memories come back. i used to think it was a cowardly, even silly way to deal with issues. well, now at least i can understand although it's not really the same situation for me.

yes. i just heard someone over the radio say, (in chinese translated) "i've realised that although we meet with so many unhappy things in life, we must realise that there are so many more happy things in life that we can look forward to and count on."

arn't humans weird... sometimes we just choose to dwell on the sad stuff. yes. weird har? but there just seems to be this weird 2nd me tt just draws me back to wallow in self pity. there's some sense of satisfaction in that really.

and then again it's a vicious cycle tt just gets me sadder. i know that. but i can't help it some times.

yep, as someone said, such feelings of loneliness don't last. but only if u choose not to dwell on them. and i don't think i'll be. yay! :) and when i'm sad i binge ALOT. feeling quite bloated now, so better start getting happy before i get fat. :) i hate getting fat. argh. hope and fat must NEVER come together. go figure.

ohoh. i treated andre to lunch today. :) wm was busy so it was only the 2 of us. we had shui(2) jiao(3) mian(4). oei... before u start thinking "cheh. i thought eat what", i would have one somewhere else infact and was thinking of going to nooch actually. and i also don't know what happened in the end. maybe it was because i had 2 lunches. haha. nothing to do with me being sad, but i was so hungry at first tt i had to sit down to eat with jiabin some noodles. and coffee. and curry puff. argh. i'm disgusting myself lor... eat and eat like a pig liddat. and i just had supper too. and supper yesterday also... wah lau ei... *demoralised*

oh. guohao passed his driving today. congratulated him just now. and i'm driving so slowly now... as in my progress lar. only covered 1 module today. tt's like how slow. and it's so expensive also lor. $58.24 as pak ling pointed out today. so i only learnt right turn today. tt's like how demoralising... george had his first driving lesson today. hope it went well. will ask him in sch tml.

oh. ivan's also 1st driving lesson tml. hope he enjoys it. :)

wah... u realise it's the 1st of dec today?? time really flies. and looking back, this is the year which has left me with so many memories. both sweet and sad. yesyes. all flavours also have one leh. :) this is the year i'll remember. of my 19 yrs THIS is the one when the most has happened. it has been a long but memorable year, but so sad it's ending liao. really, so much has happened in this year. so much has happened.

well, there's always next year. hope hopes tt it'll be one with the sweet stuff but don't want the bitter things can or not?? :)

and anin's just said tt i seem to be in a good mood today. well... actually was not really. in fact was sad. but after typing it all out feel much better now. i have another entry which mentions all much clearer but i don't think i'm publishing tt. :)

and there are just so many things tt are coming to mind now which i'ld like to blog too. like how amazing george is and what a genius he is. we came up with somethign like, "george the genius, YES HE KNOWS!" to the tune of bob the builder if u haven't kinda figured. and today after lunch andre, pakling, stella, george, jack, me, and some other guy were talking in the "frontier" after lunch. actually it was only andre and me and we were chatting after lunch, then stella and pakling came along, then george. then jack and his blue-shirted friend. and then we were talking and talking abt everything. until we realised we were sitting there for 2 hours.

siao...

nad i've been typing this for quite long too. at least 2 hours. mainly because of all the snipping off and editing. :) must practise censorship also mar. which is a thing i find quite controversial since i resolved to put up my inadultered views. but i realised tt tt's not totally possible cause certain things just call for privacy and others demand tact. so i just keep a diary for more personal stuff. and it works rather well this way.

okok. think i'll end it here. there's pdp tml. and i'm thinking of meeting with ivan and alvin tml. they're cutting hair in the evening and maybe we can go for dinner after tt. i'll go run i think. is it too insane? aiyar. still tu somemore really too late liao.