sad post

i'm feeling down. but really, more and more i'm finding tt i can't wear my feelings on my sleeve here cause there're too many pple reading this blog.

come on... a place where i'll be able to say what i want irregardless of what anyone else thinks? to be candid and enjoy freedom of speech? definitely not here. the recent happenings of the a* scholar just proved it. all scholars beware!

but more so, it's cause i find my life revolves very much around a group of friends around me (many of whom probably happen to read this blog), and many things tt happen around me tt affect my feelings are intricately linked to them. yeah... it's hard to say stuff.

it's quite sad tt things will have to be tt way. but i've come to realise tt a blog is something more of a communication tool, something to keep in touch with friends, and maybe make new friends. not somewhere to "tell-it-all", nor to bitch, nor to whine. really.

though having said all that, i am feeling sad right now. :( just feel a need to express myself here, and maybe if i ever look back on my past enteries i'll rem what exactly happened. well i remember one v painful experience when i looked at my past yr's enteries and i was just demolished so maybe reading past (esp happy) entries may be a bad idea afterall.

have u ever pined so much for a sms reply u jump at the slightest beep, glancing at the screen now and then even when u really didn't hear anything...

got so afraid u missed the msg alert tone/vibration tt u'ld rather just hold the phone in your hand, tightly, than leave it on the table.

been filled with dejection with every msg u read and get increasingly disappointed and dejected with each reply u read.

think over the conversation an hour after u ended it and regret some things u said or didn't say when u tried to empathise and see from a different point of view.

oh man, i feel so sucky. i feel so damn bloody lousy. :( if u ever read this, i just wished i was more patient, more composed, more empathic. :(:(:(

it has been a tiring weekend. i shall go to sleep now. i'm sure all 93.3 needs to do is to play a soulful song now and i'm bound to cry myself to sleep.