yesterday night some pple from my ex church visited. well, not tt weird for a vist cause the rest of my family mostly still attends it. so rather, they were visiting them rather than visiting me.

maybe more like visiting my family. something nice tt they do once in a while for everyone, since it's a small church and are a quite closely knit community.

talked abt some stuff, shared and learned. and it was a refreshing experience. went through some stuff abt keeping the faith and 'salvation' of the soul. quite interesting i must say. and learned a few other concepts about christianity. overall, i was glad for the sharing session.

they asked me, why did i leave in the first place. which got me thinking. "because i was not growing and not learning". also because the environment was stifling. i felt that it was easy to feel condemned and shame in that sort of environment where everyone knew you. and i still feel so.

it is a good place though. a plce full of people who love God. but one observation i have is that their life is not focused around grace. to me, grace alone is all that matters.

i have never been able to put together all the reasons why i'm not attending church regularly now. i guess it is a combination of reasons really, more of which are human factors rather than anything. factors involving myself like just being plain lazy, to influences by other christians who just irk me the way they carry themselves and behave. i feel most of them just go play church, nothing more than that. they claim this and that, talk big, and use 'holy lingo' (trust me, NOTHING can put me off more when u use words that u don't mean), putting on a farce and pretence.

sheesh.

anyway, last sun was the first time i've been to church in a loooong time. i think since aug last year. i think i enjoyed the service. glad for jem who literally dragged me down and called me up repeatedly to make sure i was goign down. even jb msged me to remind me to go down after i threatened tt i would not go for service if he didn't go down w me (the boy couldn't go w me thus the sms).

yeah thanks. i know u guys really care and it warms my heart.

today suppposed to go for bs w zj but i'll have to give it a miss. probably going out tonight for some fun.

i think it'll be some time still before i start attending church regularly.