have u ever wondered, when are u finally ready for a relationship? i was listening to my pastor preaching on 'finding your life partner'. not tt i'm looking for one now, but kim reccomended to me some time ago. so i bought the 6 cd series and started listening to it. over and over again. when i'm free tt is. to date i think i've run the cds through at least 8 times. *grin*

and there are certain principles that pastor prince mentions in there that i never knew. do you know that there's no such thing as a 'perfect one' for u in your life? God is a God of abundance and he always gives us >1 very very good choice. we have to choose at that point. and know that every single one of these choices will be a good one. :) i thought i met her, and i still think so.

cause my God is a God of abundance.

and certain valuable principles in there show me that i'm simply not ready for a relationship. i've loads more to learn and grow first.

afterall, i've always wanted the girl who i first hold hands with to be with me for life. *is this too ideal in this world? i hope not.*

i used to envy pple around me who were going out with someone else. and when i looked at them, i felt lonely. and empty inside. and i would feel sorry for myself and feel sad the whole day through. i longed for someone to watch the stars with, to enjoy the sea breeze with. someone to take care of and to hold and love. someone to watch the sunrise with, someone to share my joys and her sorrows with. someone to pamper and love. someone to love.

but despite all these ideals i had, i found no one to share them with. u know why? cause God didn't prosper it cause He loved me and the potential her too much.

but it's no regret when i look back now. cause i realise that the venture would not have turn out well. :) i was a half looking for another half. tt shouldn't be the case, cause in a relationhip, it should be 2 wholes coming together to make a complete relationship. i was looking for someone to fill that emptiness in me, someone who would take away the loneliness from me.

yes, tt's wrong and i'm glad that i pulled no one down into a relationship with me that was bound to end in misery.

just a couple of months ago, when i looked at some of the couples i knew going out, i felt sad. now, i it's the reverse. i 'sort of' envy myself cause i've no commitments! looking at the very INSANE PMS (refer to earlier entry for PMS) tt i'm suffering from, i just know that it's quite hard to mantain a relationship and still love her as much as i really want to.

for all things have their time and place. and to fulfill this goal that i have when the first will be the last and the only one, i'll wait. cause desperation puts pple off (something else amongst others tt i've learnt). and i'm not desperate. not now anyway. *grin*