muahahah. went out for hokkien mee and i'm back. tt's the good thing of living near balestier. all the food.

food. glorious food.

i said it before, but i'm going to say it again... holidays are coming!!!

and i can't wait for christmas really.

oh, i didn't clean my windows today, so i still don't have curtains today. sigh. but it was because i woke up late... and then went out and only came back after dinner... and i'm so tired...

ok. i'm just plain lazy. and i played d2-lod after i came home. :) my bro started playing it again recently. and i just played a little on his sorc today. found some nice items for him too. and after i finally resolved to clean the windows, it was dark already. oh well. wait another day lor. maybe tml. :)

today was pastor joshua preaching. let's just say i miss pastor prince. i think he's in israel now.

and i had an early dinner with my family today. we went beach road there and i had some beef tendon noodles. SO DELICIOUS!!! i'm getting hungry now liao lor... cause dinner was at 5. yar. and it's now 1030.. i think i'll go but some pig trotters later. there's a shop out there which is quite nice one. they're supposed to be famous for it. zhao(1) pai(2) cai(4).

and i made a cup of camomile tea. so my whole room smells of camomile. which is making me quite sleepy. it actually smells like those potpuri sachets.

silly me. but of course. since those sachets are camomile scented.

hungry....

and i asked my dad if i could get a new handphone. i think last week. sigh. he didn't want cause it's too expensive... haiz. i think i was quite demoralised for a while. but after a while i thought tt it's actually ok, cause it's more of a want, not a need. :) and maybe i'll get the money next year when they pay me when i go back for attatchment with saf during the hols. and after more thinking about it, i think it's not really very dong(3) shi(4) of me to want to new phone now leh. esp since this hols we've been spending a bit on accessory stuff... like trips for my brother and even myself, etcetc, and christmas is coming up, clothes, shoes... yar. and not that my family is very rich too.

so i finally concluded that these less important things can wait. at least till i can get the $ myself. *grin* and then i'll splurge!!! yar. i can spend alot at a time one. v bad leh... but usually i'm frugal. i think. even to the extent of being cheapo cometimes. :) it's like - just look at my pencilbox. what pencilbox???

but i'ld like to think that i'm more stingy with myself at times than i am with others. and i know that i give my friends treats sometimes, if there's an opportunity and there seems to be 'hmmmm' within that tells me to treat him/her. yes. i've learnt to follow tt feeling liao. and sometimes after that u can just see the 'happy glow' on their faces and u feel happy too. :) and tt's a way which i carry out into practice the belief that giving each other treats is a good way of mantaining relationships.

very much in the same way that a husband still remembers to give her a rose once in a while. to show that the other party still matters. :)

yepyep. i'll do it to wm and andre tml. haha~~ if they're free tt is.

YES!!!!! the CAs are finally over! and i'm like so so so happy! :)

well, at least they are over till 5 weeks later... and i can't wait for the holidays to offically begin. although i'm already in the holiday mood... i mean does it really matter??? i don't even feel like going sch liao, but must lar. not too nice to skip sch. and i missed fri anyway.

oh, the church camp's shifted from the original 15-18 dec to 19-22 dec. oh well. have to change the driving lesson bookings... and anyway they gave us a laptop bag today that comes with the camp fees. don't think it's very nice though. i was kinda of hoping for the sling type so i can use it... but it's the back pack type. will do.

i haven't felt so released in a long while. and i just want to plonk down on my bed and sleep till noon tml. but tt's bad right? so piggish. (which is a term i learnt recently, although it always occured to me tt being piggish means eating lots rather than sleeping alot...) and there're so many things i want to do in these few weeks.

i went shopping again today. bought a nice shirt. but i don't think it's a very 'hope' shirt. maybe more of a 'jereme' shirt. haha~~ what if i don't dare to wear it in the end? good money wasted lor... v bad.

and something very interesting is that my room's curtains are taken down for washing. which so conveniently means that while i'm typing this blog, practically everyone in the opposite apartment can see me, sitting at my table, typing away. argh. voyerism. feel so insafe and insecure... and my room's very messy too, notes all scattered over the place. carpet's so dirty too, haven't cleaned it in like so long... anyway... but these will have to wait for a while. i'm very tired today.

argh. just remembered i'm supposed to clean my windows tml cause we need to put up the curtains... haiyoh. quite demoralised now.

i just want to slack...

wonder what is tt on thr left?

"Air-cleaning crystal.
The first atomic-scale images of nanocrystals that help reduce pollution show a surprising triangular, rather than hexagonal, shape. The new information should help researchers improve the chemical process."

yea rite.

and since we're still on farts...



Silent But Deadly (SBD) Fart
The type that remains totally inaudible, yet somehow causes all the
occupants of a room to collapse. Can smell like anything, nasal
investigators rarely have time to distinguish an odor.

Eggy Fart
Smells very much like rotten eggs (or Hydrogen Sulphide). A powerful
odor which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out in the
fashion of a Bunbuster.

Windy Fart
The sort of fart which goes 'Whoosh', and is more felt than heard. A
little like an SBD, but louder and considerably less toxic.

Growling Fart
Happens deep within the rectum (and therefore has no smell). Somehow
never meets the light of day. Tends to growl like a dog at the vets.

Worrying Fart
The kind which seems to be a fart right up to the point at which you
release it. At this stage matters become less sure, as it feels too
solid for comfort. You go to the bathroom and check your underpants at
the next possible opportunity.

Prelude To A Poopie
You feel like you have got a large beefy one, but out comes a tiny
squeaker fart, and the head of something massive. You tense your
buttocks fast, lest you give birth to the brown equivalent of a
zeppelin.

Compost Fart
You know the compost heap that a gardener keeps at the bottom of the
garden? Well if you jump on it you will have some idea of what a
compost fart sounds and smells like. Do not attempt this one while
you have company.

Beefy One
Sounds loud, and butch eg. 'BRAAAAMMPPP!' Will smell a bit like the
rotting offspring of a B.S.E infected cow and a dog-turd.

Present (a.k.a 'Time I Wasn't Here' Fart)
The type of fart which seems harmless, but then brings a small poopie
as a housewarming gift. You shuffle off to the toilet, and thank God
you weren't in a business meeting when it happened. If you were in a
business meeting of course, you're screwed.

Squeaky Fart
Sounds like 'Wheeek'. Normally smells foul.

Bunbuster Fart
'BRAAA!' Sounds like a Beefy one, except much more sudden and much
much more powerful. Generally smells eggy or beefy. Leaves your
asshole smarting. You really feel these babies.

Trouser Ripping Special
Sends seismic ripples to the next city. Rips the back of your pants.
This fart genuinely hurts, and you can still feel it 20 minutes later.
Anyone sitting nearby at the time will suffer hearing loss.

Escape Pod Fart
You think you got away with this one. You forced it out as silently as
possible, and nobody heard. You take deep sniffs through your nose,
as discreetly as possible. You smell nothing but your deodorant. Then
30 seconds later, as if released from a stasis field, everyone starts
to cough and splutter. You point to the person next to you and try to
look innocent.

Brewer Fart
You try to push a brewer fart the last furlong, but it stays firmly
lodged deep within your bowels. You come to the conclusion that it is
some form of gaseous landmark.

Sphinctal Napalm
Tends to occur a few hours after a hot curry. Nevermind the smell,
worry about the burning sensation and the nasty stain you know it must
have left.

Stalker Fart
Occurs when you leave the room to politely fart elsewhere, and save
people the trouble of breathing your flatulent devils breath. You go
back into the room, but LO! The foul nasal bombardment has followed
you, and you are duly criticised for poor manners.

Burble Fart
Bubbly!

On The Spot Fart
You didn't even know it was there, but suddenly 'Brrmp'.

Not Now! (a.k.a Anal Control Fart)
You feel the presence of a mighty fart, and are unable to release it
due to your situation. Happens on first dates, at important meetings,
and on other such inexcusable occasions. You clench your buttocks
together so hard that you nearly give yourself a stroke, and wait for
the pressure to subside. Success depends on a number of factors, but
Sods law tends to win out in the end.

Hydrated Flatulation (a.k.a Wet Fart)
The original wet fart, which leaves a mark on your pants, and gives
you a cold wet sticky sensation when you walk. You might not like this
little bugger, but you feel right at home with it.

GNL Fart
Gambled 'n' lost. You take a gamble that it's going to be a fart and
stay where you are, but realize tragically that this is much more than
a fart...

Underwater Fart
Often done in the bath, or while swimming. Sounds like the engine of
a nuclear sub. Can be smelt on rising to the surface, and experienced
windbreakers will often catch the fart in an upturned jam jar, in order to
set light to them.

Gunshot Fart
Gunshot farts sound just like a gunshot. They are exceedingly rare. In
fact they are so rare that most people don't know they even exist. One
report continues: "I have only witnessed one gunshot fart myself, my
own, and almost scared the poop out of my girlfriend who was lying
asleep beside me at the time. She thought it was a gunshot, and it was
so named." A few others have refered to these rare creatures, so
proving their existance.

Tandem Fart
Tandem Farts are the worst smelling and longest lasting farts ever to
be recorded. They are so named since they are the only fart that is
detectable by the nose on a Tandem bicycle (bicycle built for two) as
it is being pedaled. A tandem fart occurs when the captain of the bike
farts and the stoker smells it. As you can imagine, the fart most be
extremely strong to compete with the wind and to get to the stoker's
nose. Extremely disgusting farts off of a tandem are sometimes called
Tandem farts, but they can never be confirmed as true Tandem.

When not to Fart.

1. In a crowded elevator
2. On a crowded bus
3. In a public library
4. While on a date
5. While giving a speech
6. In church
7. In a crowded classroom
8. In your office when you're alone - someone's bound to walk in
immediately afterwards
9. In a movie theater
10. In your cubicle at work - again someone's bound to walk in to visit
11. In a walk-in freezer - it'll linger a while
12. In an commercial airplane
13. In a ticket line
14. In your car before picking up a family member
15. during confession
16. In bed when you're feeling frisky
17. In a Cessna
18. While fighting fire in a burning building
19. In a patrol car for a minor violation


When to Fart

1. In your bosses office as you are turning to leave. Tip-Make sure
it's a silent one.
2. In a bathroom
3. In a cashier's line - it might help to speed up things
4. In an empty elevator before you get off
5. Next to an occupied changing room - it may quickly become
unoccupied.
6. In someone elses unoccupied cubicle at work
7. While parachuting
8. While scuba diving
9. In the back seat of a patrol car if you are arrested
10. During interrogation if you're the one being interrogated
11. In your car if you've been carjacked
12. In the changing room when you're sure someone else is waiting their
turn.
13. In your car once you've been pulled over. The cop may let you go
quicker.
14. During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors
15. While walking down a crowded hallway. Nobody will know who to
blame.

these days are really terrible... pple start popping out from nowhere and start making silly comments. best of all, they don't identify themselves and vomit SO much rubbish.

yes, the world would be a better place w/o such pests.

so these days i find tt i'm mugging in the lib most of the time... and i don't think i can finish the mugging by sat. grace grace.

oh yes, my back's much better now. but tt's the lumbar-sacral region one. it's actually quite amazing cause i think it's supposed to take at least 6 weeks to heal, but it's been less than 2 weeks since the pain started. and i'ld say it's supernatural healing. :) we had communion on sun in church, and i really felt this cool over my back after i took communion.

the pain's 95% gone!

wonderful. :)

i was reminded by myself today, that i've a really short tolerance level for myself. though i would like to say that i'm rather tolerant towards other pple. yes. maybe i've put too high expectations on myself? but sometimes, i get irritated with myself too easily. i recognise myself as a perfectionist, and perhaps that's the reason why i can't stand myself making silly mistakes.

and being a perfectionist is not really a desirable trait... cause there's often more to look out for than just the final destination. and wanting everything to be perfect in your life is simply NOT possible. face it.

and the perfectionist will have a never-ending wish list. he will always be in a state of lack.

and there's this saying that self content is bliss. and how true this is.

there have been times when i look around at my friends and see some of them doing better than me. and i can get a little envious. not jealous... just a hint of envious. but tt's not good isn't it. and i'm so reminded by the grace that God has shown me through the years. everything i've got now i don't deserve. nothing i've got now i've earned.

everything i've got now i don't deserve. nothing i've got now i've earned. and all is by the grace of God.

those who know me will probably agree that i'm not smart at all. esp my jc classmates. just look at how many tests i failed and u'll be surprised that i even got my 4As. very surprised. and just to add, i didn't take any 's' papers too. my promos were SO lousy.

but as i've said and will say it again, God has shown me His goodness and mercy through my years. and it has been tt which has helped me pull through my most difficult times. afterall He did say that His goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. (psalms 23)

and i'm satisfied with what i have now, and i sincerly believe that my calling is to become a doctor. and a SAF doctor too. and although at times i may start to doubt myself or to envy others, these pass after a short time when i look carefully at myself and realise how blessed i already am.

what more, all things work for good for me. :)

and today yy told me some stuff. which made me feel rather odd inside. didn't really know how to respond frankly. (and yes yy i know u read this...) but i guess when things're gone, u just have to move on. cause life just gets better.

really looking forward to the break next week. :)

ps: has our dear shangguan meiji found out who's elpis? and honestly. do i know u?

my back hurts quite bad. it's when i slouch-then-straighten, or straighten-then-slouch... hope it's not the intervertebral discs.

and it's quite weird the i find myself hoping that it's the erector spinae.

i was thinking of going to catch body worlds. maybe it'll be a good way to introduce my family to what i'm seeing in the anat hall every week and dispell those myths tt it is a dark and wet place full of partially decomposing, stinking, bloody corpses.

well, at least the part tt it stinks is true. but not in the putrifying-smell sense. and formalin is gross. stings the eyes quite bad. someone should come out with a new embalming fluid.

in fact, i can remember the time when i first stepped into the the anat hall. i was SO EXCITED. not the least bit worried tt i was going to be touching dead bodies. and true enough, it wasn't bad at all. i enjoyed the session very much actually. but then again, maybe it's partially because of prof ling - who is such a genius and makes anatomy so interesting. :)

risking it here, but i must confess that more than once somehow my hypothalamus fired hunger signals when i saw the cadavers... i was reminded so many times of stewed meat, char siew, duck meat... and before u decide to shun me a million miles the next time u see me in school, just take note tt my prac sessions are all mostly around lunchtime.

yea. like tt's any saving grace. lecter the 2nd.

but just be honest u pple and i'm sure there's more than once u thought of food too.

i don't think we're going to body worlds after all cause my brother just came in to my room to tell me that they were going swimming and if i wanted to come along. don't know HOW they're going to swim... so cold leh. rain just stopped.

and of course i'm not going. recently my lower lumbar-sacral region is a little painful... hope it's not the spine. guess it's the erector spinae muscle cause both andre and anin both told me it's probably tt. and both of them are geniuses!

well, there's no other muscle in tt region really tt runs along the spine. but it feels a little like bone-pain rather than muscle ache.

i'll go see the doctor on mon if it still continues.

and one thing tt's good about studying medicine is that u can come up with a pre-diagnosis first before u go see another doctor. and u'll know why nuritionist say this and atheletes do that and u'll be able to choose wisely for urself, not living under the impression that all they're trying to do is to stop u from enjoying life to the fullest.

which makes me feel guilty cause i had supper yesterday. and it was some potent high cholesterol stuff. and knowing that cholesterol can't be excreted except through bile; and that bile is carcinogenic; and that if cholesterol is left in blood it can cause atherosclerosis, it's quite bad actually...

but of course once a while i eat it. i don't care.

just like a blatant defiance against the system. and i like the zhu(1) you(2) they put in noodles too. though it's possibly the most unhealthy thing u can ever eat.

anyway, i was supposed to sleep now when i got home. think i'll do so. have to do a little more mugging for the day after dinner. :)

ahar. just went for a nice jog. i think i shall make it a good habit to go jogging every other day.

yep, feel so refreshed now. :)

and i put norah jones on, with the aircon blowing on my back and my mildly aching legs... wah... so nice. don't feel like going sch tml...

and i think i made up with mr T today. yay, so happy. guess he finally got the hint when i snubbed him a little this morning... so evil of me... but i was so happy that he offered to accompany me for lunch today. :)

guess friendship's a 2 way thing and both sides must make an effort to keep it going.

and today was quite an accomplishment -- didn't chat with ivan in the lib while we were studying. but not tt i managed to do alot anyway, cause there was only less than 2hrs of mugging today... and if i ended up talking to him, i think i'll be quite a sad case.

maybe because we had quite a long dinner. yep, ivan's a good friend, can talk quite well to him. and we were discussing why. and we thought tt maybe he's full of crap and i'm full of shit. so it's rather a case of chou(4) wei(4) xiang(1) tong(2)...

my vastus medialis is quite suan(1) leh...

and today the physio tut was SO crowded. a few of us had to sit on the floor... and poor me beside the dustbin. not tt it helped very much when pple were throwing wet tissues into the bin... *disgusted* or tt i could see anin in btw 2 heads and she was grinning away so happily.

haha~~

but she was very nice today when she gave us some toffee chocalates. they were quite nice. *yay* shared mine with wm and andre.

had pdp today too. i think it was excellent. but there was this woman with practically multiple organ failure who has a rather sad story to tell. haiz...

ok. sleeping now! and tml there's bible study at night. maybe the mugging in the afternoon will be more efficient. :)

no lar. think dying hair is not really for me. not this type of guai boy. *snigger* but then again. see how things go lar. see whether i can get rid of the pimples first. but even if i do dye hair, i'll get it back to black when sch reopens. :)

yes, so humji right?

shuwei finally got the nyaa certs for us today. so i've got a nice nyaa silver cert now. yay! not tt it means alot anyway, esp now, it's just piece of paper lor really. and a badge also.

but i'll probably end up stuffing it somewhere and won't see it until 10yrs down the road. haha... so pointless.

today also nothing much lor. mugged in the lib with mr ivan for a while. ended up talking SO much crap. and actually this is the 1st time it happened lar. so not tt bad. and it's not supposed to happen. previously quite productive actually.

and really lor. this CA must grace grace... siao lor see how much i have to study... but i cannot but He can. yay! :D

ohoh, cherlyn finally replied to my mail today. haha. so happy to finally can hear from someone in uk. and also from kelvin kow also. he sent some photos back. the uk pple had something called a 'raffles night' where all the rj pple who were in london (i think) gathered. wah... so fun...

hmmm... i think it's very impt to keep in contact with pple. esp friends who matter. friends who have made a difference in your life. which is why i still try to message pple who i don't see now once in a while. just a short msg asking how are things and just show some concern. and i know it's just SO heartwarming to receive something like that. haha. i think i'm on more 'sending' end than 'receiving'. nvm. hope it'll change! :)

yes, but i still keep in touch with some of my seniors and classmates and friends and teachers. not very often, maybe just drop a sms or email once every 1 or 2 months or something. very sweet i think.

late liao. sleep. tml i'm going to go home earlier. cause it's slack day! hehe~~

haven't blogged in a LONG time liao... but really by the time i come home i'm quite tired already, then have to go wash up and prepare to sleep, check mail and all that...

so, enough of all that excuse making liao...

there's pdp tml. amy said we're doing gi. should be interesting lar. and also that means don't need to think of what to wear tml morning. yay! sometimes it can be quite troublesome lar. just to think what to wear. and sometimes i ask myself whether if it is justifiable for us to dress up in clothes that we would also feel comfortable in at orchard. afterall, the purpose of going to sch is to learn... not to dress and attract attention (aa), which is a term i learnt recently. haha~~)

yar. i mean pple who dye their hair, gel it so hard, etcetc.

but someone told me today tt it's more of personal grooming. and i can't help but agree. and i think it's rather justifiable to want to dress up. simply because u take pride in ur appearance. care enough not to appear shabby and 'oh-i-just-got-out-of-bed'. it's more of pride in urself than anything else.

and i went jogging today in the evening. legs a little sore, especially between the toes. i think it's because of my foot rot... the skin was peeling and all that and now it's starting to recover already, but the skin's still newly formed lar. so need to give it some time. eeeewwww...

nsc was holding this atopic day camp thing this afternoon. dad went for it just to look see and he was saying it is quite good. there was a registration fee of $10 i think. but he felt it was worth it lar. and alot of free samples and good talks too.

my upper lip's hurting... v dry lar... pray it heals soon.

watched matrix with wm and andre on sat. think it was ok lar. though not really fantastic. matrix's not my type of movie anyway. i'm a sucker for love shows. and inspirational shows as well. maybe not so much of love shows now, cause sometimes it makes me feel terrible... oh and i didn't catch the turn left turn right. so hum ji right?? cause i didn't want to feel sad... :) so silly.

maybe i'll watch it with my girfriend next time. :)

and i want to new phone.... and i don't think the 7215 is as nice already. the other one looks quite nice. the one where u can personalise ur own cover one. haha. hope i get tt for christmas or something. or maybe next year when i go back to work and get my 1 month pay. hehe~~ but quite bu4 she3 de2 to spend the $ leh.

and yesterday this melancholic feeling came over me again. more like a feeling of sianness, mainly because i find myself studying and studying... though i must qualify that it's not as bad as for CA3, which was totally insane lar. and not to mention that the results were not tt fantastic anyway. but this time, i mostly study with friends. andre's staying back in the library more often now, and he's such a good friend to study with. :) not to mention he's a GENIUS and i can ask him parts which i don't understand, and he'll explain to me with the greatest patience and sincerity. (thanks andre!) so usually i'll have lunch with him (and wm will disappear to meet emily) and we'll have a long chat about recent happenings. haha~~ call it gossip if u want. *grin*

yar. then we'll go mug in the lib till abt 4/5 and andre will go home after tt for dinner. then usually if ivan is ard i'll go join him. and this guy is also very amazing one. v good study buddy. :) then go for dinner and i'll realise tt we're spending too much time eating and nag at him to go back to mug. and sometimes we'll go excerxise a little.

(ivan complains that he's not tan enough... think he's quite yandao already lor. tsktsk. he was kbing that he couldn't see his tan line after we went swimming)

yes, and angel's cafe is really horrible. to put it plainly, it just sucks. the food really cannot make it lor. i think i can cook better.

saw ivan with specs today!!! haha. how many thought he had 6/6 eyesight hands up. don't worry, u still look handsome so u should wear it more often. don't always be so vain.

CA6 is really grace grace lar. there's so much to study and for the topic i don't really understand very well lor. so i'm a little unsure... but tt's just unsure of myself. :)

didn't go service today. so amazing right? although i went before the CA on fri night although i still didn't finish studying, and on sat when all i wanted to do was to play, but not today. and today's a very special day. yep, the 16th of nov is a day tt changed my life very much. and maybe tt's why i didn't go to church today. or maybe it's just plain excuses and laziness.

sleeping now. :) wah. the aircon's just right, and the radio's so soothing.... want to sleep....

How long must i put up with you?
And His actions answered His own question...
Until the rooster sings and the sweat stings and the mallet rings
And a whole hillside of demons smirk at a dying God.

How long?

Long enough for every sin to soak My sinless soul
That heaven will turn in horror
Until My swollen lips pronounce the final transaction:
"It is finished."

How long?
Until it kills Me.

i was reading andre's blog today and found it quite thought provoking. and something that i read some time ago came to mind, which i think i'ld like to put down:

suppose i were to give this sheet of paper and a pen in a hand and ask you to come up with a list of names that you would willingly sacrifice your life for, you'ld probably be able to come up with at least a few names off hand; but if i were to ask you to fill up the same paper with that same pen with a list of names that you would give up your mother/father/wife/child/sibling's life for, the list would probably be empty.

i know mine would.

but am i glad that Someone's list wasn't.

it's just a nature of human. to put it in a nice way, 'we love too much to let go'. otherwise, it'll be something more like, 'we're just selfish'.

but isn't love selfish? true love sure isn't. and true love is where u love everyone irregardless of whatever they may do to you or say about you. and the tallest order is when they do an injustice to you and you still love them the same.

i dare say i've not seen many around me. no offence to anyone though. cause i know i'm sure a very very long journey from this target. *grin* yep, i've a long way to go.

oh, discovered belinda is attatched liao. :) but she never post any pics of her boyfriend. discovered on friendster. and who else in my circle of friends have found their soulmate already? :) i know i haven't... haha. but no hurry also lar. *grin*

yes, which calls for another entry some other time on bgf. i think it'll be quite interesting to write something like that.

haiyar. wanted to type the response abt the leadership thing. but think not lar. quite tired. and think it's quite pointless cause not many pple will understand.

but just for the record, i think the pc should go in and get the casualty out. and even if he doesn't go (because of his positioning or something), he should at least send the ps in. never one of the men.

see, u don't understand what's pc/ps right? tt's why.



was studying in sch with ivan today. quite nice lar. he's a good study buddy. but the silly thing was tt we went swimming and the weather was SO nice. but once we went into the pool the clouds came and <5 laps in, it started to rain. argh. and somemore have to change and bath and all tt. not worth the trouble at all.

but tt clown of an ivan was so tired he told me he swam with his eyes closed. seriously lor... everyday sleep so late. v bad lor. tsktsk.

quite a bit left to mug. and some notes to go through. but think it's fine so far lar.

prof ling was quite nice today at anat prac. he saw practically the whole grp1 during his session, but we didn't go crash his tut grp's cause there were too many of us and it isn't really a very nice thing to do. but prof ling actually conducted another session for us. rushed through with the last 10 mins, but i think it's nice tt he bothered to help out. and he told us we could ask him for help whenever we needed it.

but dr he saw us there and i think he was not v happy abt it. can understand lar. think he was esp displeased with mr c and j. well, if u ask me it's not nice to skip hbp's classes no matter what u think of them. cause it's a basic respect thing. i knowo for one i didn't really benefit alot from today's prac session, but i still learnt stuff. :) which i'm glad for. but to each his own lar.

ok. sleeping now. goodnight.

went visiting with karen to city harvest church today. and i think it'll just suffice to say tt i didn't really enjoy it. but i think about what pastor said last time, which goes something like we're all in the body of Christ and each part plays a part. we're not despise anyone because each is just as impt as the other; and the Church should unite as we've got enough problems already. no point with more infighting.

but to put it bluntly, i just don't agree with some stuff i heard there today. not abt the message, cause pastor brian houstan was preaching (which was the reason we went), but abt most stuff since the phone call the pastor there made. he's in taiwan with his wife (he2 yao4 sun1) and they're there on a 'crusade'.

yes, and i developed a new point of view of brian houstan today. not a very pleasant one too anyway.

and 1 thing's that good today was tt i learnt to appreciate my pastor and my church much more. guess tt's something good. :) i plan to go visiting other churches still to gain more exposure.

will comment on wm's entry on my take on leadership sometime. not now. sleep. goodnight.

today was such an exciting day! met up with prof chen in the afternoon, at abt 1. he wanted to meet up with his mentees. and i'm quite glad he's our mentor cause he's one of the few who mentors actually bother to meet up with his students. heard a few tutors haven't even met up with their charges.

but i think i'm rather blessed to have him as my tutor. very proactive. which is good.

went to icu today and we looked briefly at 3 cases. and 1 of the patients was VERY sick. insanely low bp, venous pressure abt 25, and etcetc. heard the mos mention he prob will not make it... sad. then the other guy was a sad case too. quite young, but fell from the lorry. in icu for 3 weeks already. bumped his head amongst other injuries. very large swelling on his head lor. and his respiration was abnormal. it was something like the respiratory disease ho ting fei mentioned in her tut. oh yar, just recalled, it's the adult respiratory distress syndrome his o2 sat was low, i think abt 86%, can't remember what else was abnormal. ph was normal. but he was put on respirator. sad case. and prof was commenting to us a bit on management of the intensive care dept too. he's head of anaesthesia, so they're incharge of all the ots and icus. and apparently there's a lot more to it, esp abt cost management and profit margins and all tt. really. he was telling us tt the icus have only 19 beds, but take up 1/5 of the hospital's budget. nuh has abt 900 beds. and also abt how he's supposed to ensure tt the ots have at least 85% occupancy rate. cause each cost abt $1000000 to build, and they must make sure it's sufficiently utilised to recoup the cost. interesting arr. there's so much econs in being a doctor.

and we learnt to read a bit of the ecg too. and of course pak ling the GENIUS answered most of the qns. :)

oh, and found out some interesting facts. ho ting fei was from anaesthesia dept in nuh too. she's an anaesthetist. and prof raj was a clinical tutor for surgery, he taught prof chen. and he was saying tt raj was a very good tutor even back then. amazing. how old's tt man already. still looks at most 50.

then afterwards he invited us to go to the ots with him. v interesting. but it was like qian(1) zai(3) nan(2) feng(2). cause only can bring 2 pple into the ots, so only amy and i went. stella was v nice to let us have a go first. so she and pakling went off first. hope they'll go next time. :)

and it was my first time changing into a ot suit. complete with all the funny rubber boots and all.

but we saw part of 2 operations and stood through 1 full skull op. the 2 partial ones were a coronary bypass and the other was another skull surgery - the guy had part of his skull removed in a previous op, but no replacement was put in... don't noe how/why also, cause when we went in, the op was ending already. they were stitching the guy up. heard from a medical student attatchee there tt they just placed a titanium 'skull' in there. but we watched prof chen revive the guy from ga. quite interesting. seeing him give the muscle-excitatory medcine and stop the ventilator and start manual assisted ventilation and wacking the patient on the shoulders to wake him up after the [anaesthetic] has dropped till <0.1, and sucking out salivary secretions and all tt. real eye-opener. and he explained to us alot of physio behind it too.

and 1 interesting thing to note was how the anaesthetic affected the pulse, bp, both at the start of the op and during the resuscitation. and also the measures taken by the anaesthetist to regulate and mantain bp (esp) and pulse. and different things can be used to inc bp. what was used was saline and human albumin (which is supposed to be insanely exp) to raise bp. prof chen mentioned there are alot of other substances tt can be choson as well, but it all depends on the type of op; original anaesthetic used, and of course alot of other factors lar which i cannot remember.

the other 'part' surgey was a coronary bypass. they used the gsv, which is what we've learnt in lecture, but to see it some real is so different. and the smell of burning tissue when they used the cautheter was so gross. but not much from this cause we had to move on to another ot as the case for another head surgery was coming into another ot and prof chen was the anaesthetist for tt op.

and the smell here was worse when they started drilling the skull to get 2 holes at both anterolateral points of the frontal skull bone. and the fluid tt came out was yellowish. gross. and spurted a little when it came out. but was wondering how the fluid got there in the first place, and how would this 1-time draining help at all? wouldn't the fluid accumulate again? prof chen told us tt it's probably due to trauma at first whcih caused a clot, and when the clot was lysed the fluid was left. and 1 other v interesting pt was tt the neurosurgeon was stressing again and again to prof chen to confirm tt no nitrous oxide was given. explaination given by prof was tt in ops tt cause a air space to be left after the gap is closed, like in this cranial surgery, diffusion of no into the air space is greater than it diffusing out. which means pressure will buildup after the space is sealed and the brain will be compressed again. very bad. and i think nitrous oxide is one of the regulatory substances. doesn't take a genius guess though. don't know for excitatory or otherwise.

interesting no?

and amy helped to insert an intravenous plug today. i didn't do anything though. too scared. :) maybe only help to squeeze the saline pack to force extra saline into his cvs to increase venous return to up his pressure when his pressure fell to abt 80. oh. and prof played with us some electical stimulation thing. he was stimulating my ulna. and it felt so weird. amy tried it too. :)

yes, before i forget, want to add tt the nurses were HORRIBLE. haven't seen more unpleasant people in my life. and it's not stress, cause they only talk in tt manner to housemen and medical students. idiot. esp this malay nurse. super irritated at her. and her makeup was so thick too, anyway. but tt's a sideline. thinking of charging her for insubordination. would if she was a medical orderly and if i was comissioned already.

when i left nuh, i was SO gratified. although didn't end up studying for the day, i think the time was well spent. was thinking of asking prof if we could tag along more often, maybe once a month or something. oh. and he discovered tt i was a saf doctor today. and he's quite good, managed to make me feel quite lousy abt signing on. haha. :)

rushed off to church after tt though. was v rush. left at 1800, had a meeting at 1830. needless to say didn't make it lar. reached suntec only at 1900 odd.

*yawn* legs are quite sore from standing for so long today... better sleep now. so late liaoz. goodnight!

noticed that my past few entries were all full of crap. haven't wrote any thought provoking stuff for a long time now. but it's also because there's nothing interesting that happened to me in the recent days.

maybe a little about how the medical course has been thus far yar? something to keep up the worthwhile-ness of visiting this site.

you know, all of us decide to take up medicine for our own reasons. of the people that i see around me, i think i can come up with a few reasons. some do it because they see it as a secure job. a job that will almost guarantee financial success in the years to come. a career that no matter how unillustrious will with absolute certainty guarentee u at least a nice big landed house and at least 1 luxury car. the chauffeur is optional although it will probably be within all doctors' means to hire one. and social status/prestige comes into play here too. social class and pay come into play concomitantly almost all the time. a 'less selfish' and 'more selfless' reason would be those who come from families with very slight financial burdens and they see being a docor as a sure way of getting out.

and some others do medicine for the interest. not the interest in being a doctor, but rather interest in how the body works and why this happens and why tt happens. yep, more like interest in human biological sciences, if u would. these people are those who have a higher probability of going into research. your friendly mbbs-phd pple. but people who find this the reason why they have choson to do medcine never ever find this the only reason. because they would find doing bio more interesting. and with their calibre, they would have no trouble at all doing a x2 degree, perhaps in bio and chem, and even go on to get doctorates in both degrees. so why medicine instd? my personal hypothesis is because of the v.strong attractiveness the financial freedom a doctor can enjoy.

no sweat.

another class would be because of aspirations. these group of people have dreamed of being a doctor all the 19 or 21 yrs of their lives. and when we stop to ask ourselves why people aspire to be doctors, we find ourselves coming back all the way around to link back to 3 main underlying factors. money, fame, ideals.

which subtly brings me to the next class. the number of people who fall into this category are, sadly, not many. cause the majority of us have come to terms that this world is not possible to be as ideal as we ever hope to be. never as fairy-tale like as the stories weaved to us in tt pre-school class. but these people believe very strongly in what they believe in (which is the only reason why they are still around). really, would have alot more stuff to say regarding this category, but maybe not this time. all i'll say now is may their tribe increase.

the other caste are those who find that doing medicine is almost nearly a scholarship in itself. these lost individuals are lost for orientation after they received their a-lvl results. maybe not good enough for a scholarship, and perhaps even tried applying, but either got rejected or the better ones got offered a scholarship, just tt it wasn't quite what they were looking for. or some just didn't apply at all, although their results > qualify them for one. i know of at least 1 individual who got fantastic results but the only scholarship he applied for was the nus one. he's in med now anyway.

and of course some people become doctors not because of their own aspirations, but their parents'. which is rather sad in my opinion. cause your life's your own!!! your parents have had their chance at living life, and now it's your turn. so, you think u should live your life for them? get real. then who should live your life? your children? it's all a vicious cycle here. and don't you go depriving your children of their dreams. and simply cause we're not talking about filial piety here. cause parents are to be honoured. but not to let them govern your every decision. tt time has passed. honour them and accord them with respect. but live your life as u would. simply because it's your life.

felt quite strongly about that for some reason. no, i have a healthy relationship with my parents. luv them. *hugzs*

and the last category that most if not all people fall into would be tt of a combination. i know i'm in this category for sure. all for me the circumstances are a little unique too, cause i signed on with the saf (a decision tt till now is still unfathomable by many). so there're alot more complicated factors that i shall abstain from discussing at the moment. maybe next time.

but one thing's for sure, i'm sure glad tt i chose to take up the medical course offered. and although some nights when mugging hard for CA (in the past) i ask myself hope, what have u got urself into??, at the end of it i find tt there's this agreement within me tt this THE right path tt i chose.

anyway. waiting earnestly for clinical years.

here's a bakar link as andre would put it. (don't know how to spell it anyway. so...)

click me!!! :)

enjoy.

someone sent me this link. takes a while to dl but it's worth watching. very touching.

http://www.vmaxxum.com/download/kiss_biag_video-kissEchoswirlCom.asf

some weird test tt i saw ivan and wm do. and i think if i do it too u'll be tempted to click on the link to see urs too.

try it.

-CLICK HERE-


Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

was commenting to ivan tt we're going to be the couple of the year of med fac. maybe the whole nus. never know.

argh. i think pimples suck. trying quite hard to get rid of them... and everytime a yandao walks past i'll feel demoralised... hey, i'm being vunerable here so LEARN to appreciate it...

and today driving was horrible. it was the worst lesson i had thus far. we were learning changing lanes (>2 lanes, usually ending with a right turn) and stopping/starting from a slope. don't know lar. but i was so very irritated also don't know why. cannot sit still liddat. and made so many mistakes. usually i'm sure tt the instructor would pass me on the topic tt i'm doing for the day, but today i wasn't tt confident of it at all.

but anyway i still passed the 2 topics he taught me.

for the ill-informed, i'm doing driving at SSDC. school.

talking to ivan crap again. he's kbing about some problem he has with a girl who lives in tp. go ask him. but he feels very apologetic, or pek cek as he puts it himself.

and he REALLY thinks i've a crush on him.

alot of stuff more to study... tsk. but remember i told myself i won't mug till i stress? once i feel like stopping i'll stop now. cause it's not my fight. :)

and i hate pimples. any ideas? was on tetracyclines for 6 wks. ivan says not enough. i'll go back to doctor. i tried to get roaccutane but need a prescription.

adios.

This above all, to thine own self be true; and it must follow the day as the night, for thou canst be false to anybody. -- Polonious

this quote came to mind just before i turned off the comp. oh well, goodnight.

figured i'll quickly blog before i sleep. want to change my sleeping patterns. next time i'll sleep before 2330.

"matrix" is showing outside, and tt was the thing which kept me away for so long actually. wanted to blog at 11 and sleep by 5 mins ago. oh well... :)

jiabin visited my church yesterday. youth service. i think he enjoyed it, which i'm glad for. it's this feeling of elation because u can identify with 1 more person in your life. haha~~ and it's nice to know that our churches share many similar teachings. :)

anin told me not to call her mrs lee anymore. ok... and she clarified tt she wasn't kidnapped. there's this flu bug going around these days. she was i'll. andi think a few other pple also. i was quite sick on thurs too. heard it's from beiping xiong. haiyar. shouldn't be so bad. he's actually quite nice; not his fault also. as ivan put so nicely, "weak than say so lar. don't blame pple."

charmain's belated bdae gathering was on sat. not really much of a 'party' cause there were only a few of us. and me had to leave early too. but i thought it was quite nice overall and i'm sure the rest enjoyed themselves too. and i heard emily got the same present for her as andre and myself got. how often do such things happen... :)

have not been utilising my bus pass very well recently. attribute it to my laziness and the weather. everytime it rains, dad would offer to fetch me. how nice. but makes me wonder sometimes why did i get a bus pass. and also make me feel quite guilty to have him fetch me. think what. chauffeur arr. terrible boy...

yep, my dad's the best.

oh, deacon laid hands on me on sat. and he spoke forth into my life some words tt i'ld never forget. shared them with zhengjie on the way to marina for supper. as he said, it's a confirmation of my calling. and it sure is a strong one. one word: covenant.

one word: covenant. and tt's why.

the speaker for sat was so powerful. deaconess lian. there was this attractiveness of her which is not attributed to physical factors, the term which came to my mind as i was discussing with zhengjie on what term to use to describe her. like some aura. and when i found out tt it was not only me who felt tt way, but so many other pple as well. and something just drew us to her. i wanted so much for her to lay hands on me. but it was deacon in the end. oh well. not disappointed lar. just thought it would be better sort of thing.

but deaconess was very good. her message was very good. and zhengjie was telling me she was the same person we saw at the psl camp back in ri. think so, though i can't remember quite well.

ok. gotta sleep now. and just for the record, i've not mugged this weekend.